A Taekwondo Diary

2007-10-12T02:50:00.001-04:00

Thanks to all who visited and left their comments.

It feels like a deserted spaceship here. This is mainly a post to say that as I will not forseeably update this page very often, do feel free to dismantle your links to it!

LC

2007-09-03T23:33:00.000-04:00

To mark what is hopefully a new chapter in life, I've moved to a new weblog. (Actually, its because I couldn't resist the spiffy looking wordpress themes).

I haven't been able to locate a good taekwondo school fitting my logistic constraints (time and distance). I have taken up aikido, which I am sure will be an interesting experience. I've made my peace with not necessarily training in one art for a lifetime (ha! kind of silly to think that after just a year anyway). I think this will necessarily be a side-effect of holding a job that doesn't let you settle in one place till later in life. Not a problem!

End and a Beginning

2007-07-15T10:25:00.000-04:00

I've spent almost a year learning taekwondo at my university. Its always been a rather bussinesslike relationship with my teacher and fellow students. In the sense that I haven't gotten on very friendly terms with anybody. My teacher knows me, but nothing about me. So I couldn't exactly say goodbye to anyone, even though I did want to. I went to my last class, with nobody knowing that I would just stop showing up. Its on to new things now I suppose.

I did a pretty thorough search for taekwondo schools in Berkeley (as far as you can do these things over the net), and though I've got a few schools in mind to check out, there hasn't been anything which I just instantly knew I could join (except the UCSF tkd, but its out due to distance constraints). One reason is that I wanted to continue in the particular style that I practice, but also its a bit difficult to tell without seeing a class whether the atmosphere is to your liking. For example, maybe I am prejudiced, but at the moment, I would like to be learning in a class with adults, and not, say teenagers.

Anyhoo, I have been looking into other arts, and there is a dojo which particularly appealed to me, at least when I read about it on the net. I'm visiting Berkeley in the next few days, ostensibly to look for an apartment, but I'll scout around some MA schools as well.

Done

2007-07-02T21:07:00.000-04:00

Nothing to do with taekwondo, but I wanted to share that I defended on the 22nd of June, and now have a PhD. It is kind of neat. I tend to put myself down and be excessively diffident. But I won't give into that just this once. *Giving myself a pat on the back*. It took me 6 years (jeez, its really all gone!) and was fairly hard work.

Five Things

2007-06-04T20:06:00.000-04:00

Five things I learnt as a beginner about practicing taekwondo. Interestingly, the common theme is to detach myself from the outcome of my practice.

Have patience. Whether it is some technique which is frustrating you or dealing with training while injured, patience will see you through. I find that one tends to become discouraged and overwhelmed most because of a lack of willingness to savor the experience of learning a technique or working through injury. Sounds weird, but yes, looking back all the hard work put into learning a particular kick feels very satisfactory now. And it would have gone even more smoothly had I been patient with the learning process. Similarly, training through injury isn't as hopeless a task as it sounds like if you have the patience to believe that your body will heal even if mild stress is put on it.

To practice patience, one has to practice letting go of expectation. This doesn't mean that you lose all desire to improve. Instead, you practice putting yourself in an accepting frame of mind. Be an observer to your progress.

Keep at it. This one I never had much trouble with. I have never so far been low on motivation to go and attend class. (Now that I think of it however, in the great balanced-ness of all things, I have been low on motivation to get my other work done.)

In any case, there will be times when you are low on motivation, and you'll never regret pushing through your inertia. Since I have been practicing taekwondo, which, like any other activity requires a significant time commitment, I notice that I have become more laid-back about other time pressures. For example, I don't get overwhelmed anymore if I am a little late with school work because I got back late from class. In the great scheme of things, it doesn't matter. You'll stay up a few extra hours and get it done.

Relax. In class, I try to be focused and very relaxed at the same time. Extra tension serves no purpose, and I feel makes techniques harder to learn. Relaxation has to be both physical and mental. Mentally, don't put pressure on yourself, and keep thinking 'I better get it right this time'. Physically, don't tense up your body in anticipation to do a technique. I found this to be good to keep in mind while learning all the the various different, complicated and confusing ways that you lift your legs and move your torso to do wheel kicks, spinning stomp kicks, and spinning hook kicks.

Again, the way to achieve relaxation is to lose expectation, but not your focus. Focus is not that difficult to achieve, just empty your mind of thought about anything except what you are doing. The trick to relaxation is somehow not to focus too much.

No experience is wasted. Nothing that you learn is wasted. It may be that what you have learnt is not the most efficient way to defend yourself from an attacker. It may be that you learn something for a while, and then due to circumstances, have to take up some other martial art. It may be that you didn't learn from the 'best' teacher. Nevertheless, even that experience is something which is a part of your new personality, and is something more than not having learnt anything at all.

Practice. Both physically and in your mind. There is no substitute for lots of practice to perfect your technique. Keep in mind everything your teacher has pointed out to you during your practice, and try to perform your practice remembering these things.

Often, imagining yourself doing the thing which seems hard in real life physically helps overcome barriers. What I like to do is keep a mental video of somebody in my class who does the technique particularly well, and then 'photoshop' myself into the video, so that I see myself doing the technique with all the details in place.

2007-06-03T14:03:00.000-04:00

I think I am going through post-thesis-submission depression. I submitted on May 25 and have been feeling persistently apathetic and lethargic since then. I also have a lot of anger. I am dreading that I have to move, work at a real job and switch TKD schools.

Although I suppose its so easy to think something and make it become true. Its ironic that before, you don't realize how much power over actual events the mind holds. And now, you know it, you would think that you would gain more control. But it just seems to become more and more powerful.

I am struggling with understanding whether my feelings of depression are real or whether they are there because I think I am feeling depressed.

Climbing

2007-06-02T23:24:00.000-04:00

At least when I move out to California there will be good places to go climbing! No need to worry about styles and whatnot. Maybe I'll be content just learning some martial art from a good teacher even if its not the style I am in right now. I think learning some form of martial art is good preparation for climbing. I had a much easier time of it after learning taekwondo for the past year than when I tried last year. I was more focussed, my will to get all the way up was stronger. Not to mention I was in much better physical condition.

I wrote some emails out asking about classes and styles, but so far, its either no response or just saying 'good luck finding something'.

Attention

2007-05-31T21:39:00.000-04:00

I admit it ... I like attention (but I'm shy). I just mean I like to be given feedback during class. Sometimes a whole class goes by with not too many comments from my teacher, like today. Other people had to do their forms and get corrections. I can't be doing everything right?! Maybe he overlooks me a LOT more than other people :). Only a correction to my step punch and a block during Chon Ji and Yul Gok. No comments while sparring. I think about whether I am just too bad, and my teacher doesn't want to waste his time with me or if its just by accident.

Taking taekwondo has certainly made me better about my insecurities. But if this is where I am now, I was in pretty bad shape before.

I should just focus on the class.

Yul Gok

2007-05-28T02:04:00.000-04:00

Homework: Go read about Yul Gok and practice a lot.

Favorite parts:
* The 'falling sidestep' before the second sloooow punch.
* The arc hand blocks
* The jumping backfist - that has a kind of flair to it :)

I practiced my step punches in Chon Ji and Dan Gun quite a bit today. I think I am getting the hang of how to step onto my knee while lunging forward.

Aaaahhh!

2007-05-22T23:08:00.000-04:00

That's a sigh of satisfaction. The first class of the summer. I didn't do much training over the break. I felt really springy and was kicking and stretching higher than before. I totally believe the people that say after repair, the body becomes stronger than before. I've heard that's the principle behind working out with weights. You tear some muscle when you lift weights and when that repairs, its stronger than before...then you lift more weights, I guess.

I started learning Yul Gok. Today's class was spent almost entirely on Chon Ji. My teacher emphasized the following

- When preparing for low blocks, back knee is very close to ground with weight evenly distributed, NOT over front knee. This can be achieved by tilting the knee just a fraction up and outwards, like riding stance, but in the prep position.

- Look towards where you're blocking.

- On middle blocks, keep line of arm straight almost till last instant. Do most of the turning with hips, not the arms.

- Step punches, the idea is to start by moving body forward, putting weight onto front knee, not stepping 'outwards'.

Moving

2007-05-16T23:36:00.000-04:00

If all goes well, I'll be moving to sunny California in the fall. I'll be living in Berkeley. I'd love to know if anybody has any thoughts on where to train in Taekwondo or martial arts in general in that area. I would prefer to continue in the style of Taekwondo I do now -- we call it Traditional Taekwondo or Korean Karate, and do the forms starting with Chon-Ji. I'm still not sure entirely which *TF it is. But I am definitely open to other styles and arts. I guess what I am looking for most is a rigorous studio with roughly the same style so that I don't feel like I am starting right at the beginning again; I would love to continue with the same set of forms. I'm ok with the above conditions not being satisfied if its a very good studio. I would also like a place which gives equal emphasis to drills, sparring and forms. I like all three aspects very much and wouldn't want to give up on any of them.

Aaaa...I am so resistant to the unfamiliar! What I definitely am looking for is a teacher who has a good self-interpretation of the art. I.e., not someone who just regurgitates the things they have learnt without thinking about it.

I will be checking out the TKD program at UC Berkeley. Has anyone had any experience there or heard of anyone who trained in TKD there?

2007-05-08T23:56:00.000-04:00

I'm close to deciding what I'll be doing after graduating. Fortunately it looks like there will be time for taekwondo, but its going to be much harder to make time. We'll see. I started writing my thesis. And I'm considering doing some climbing instead of tai chi over the summer. Less stuff to memorize. I'm swamped.

Break

2007-04-29T19:31:00.000-04:00

It looks like I'll have about a 3 week break before classes start up again. I have that butterflies in stomach feeling of excited anticipation waiting for classes to start. I'm glad though of some time to rest up and let all my bruises from the last few months heal.

I'm spending a couple of weeks near Seattle in the meantime. Most places to hike are still snowbound, but a few moderate walks and hikes are open. I think about taekwondo from time to time, everyday. Practicing my forms when I can find enough space. Or just doing them in my head. Keeping up with situps and pushups. Planning out what I'll do after I graduate. If I get a job at X -- then I'll check out this studio. Or, if I get a job at Y, then I'll ask so and so about a good place to learn. And so on. Kind of nice, but I'm very sad that in all likelihood I have only two more months with my current teacher. A few days ago I got email about a job opportunity that I might have to start in July for, and my mood was kind of down! When I heard another place would like me to start in October if I got the job, I thought excellent, two extra months here, and my mood was up!

I daydream about classes that I've had or things that I learnt, playing them out in my head. This semester, we focussed a lot on how to counter various kicks and punches from your opponent during sparring. I think the motto was "make sure your opponent hurts if he tries to kick or punch". We learnt for which kicks to move in and counterattack and for which to move out at first, but then come back in quickly not allowing your opponent to recoup.

I'm leaning strongly towards learning tai chi in the summer, as opposed to aikido or hapkido. I really want to learn how to tumble and take falls at some point since I am completely lacking in that department. But I think it will be too new for me to learn in just a few weeks. I want to amend that -- what I really mean is that it would be so new to me that I would feel overwhelmed by it and stressed during an already hectic semester.

Tai chi is going to be an experiment. If it takes too much time away from taekwondo, I'll drop it for now. I wanted to have something to do on my taekwondo off days. I guess martials arts type stuff is novel enough at the moment to attract me more than going running on off days.

Pizza

2007-04-26T22:48:00.000-04:00

After our tests, the class goes out to pizza together. I've had...let's see...four tests so far. I went to pizza after my very first test, but it was a bit uncomfortable. Nobody talked to the new students and we didn't talk amongst ourselves either. I didn't go for the next two outings but I did go after my last test. It was kind of fun hanging out with them.

One young guy in my class is a freshman in college and is in awe of how old I am, and the fact that I am doing my Phd and that I started it right after my undergraduate degree (which happens to be what most people in my field do, so nothing special). I mentioned to him that the previous night, I'd gone to a party for a friend who had gotten a job offer and had gotten fairly tipsy -- I had returned home at around 3 and wasn't sure I'd be in good shape for the test. The poor guy was quite shocked -- he blurted out, "You drink!? But I thought you were perfect!" That felt kind of nice -- (oooh somebody thinks I'm perfect, but I'm really badass) -- in a dissolute kind of way.

Last Class of the Semester

2007-04-23T00:56:00.000-04:00

Tonight was the last class of the semester and also a test day. I tested for a blue stripe (our belts are white, yellow, green, blue, brown, black). For the first time, I didn't feel terribly nervous about it. I just tried as hard as I could and didn't think of anything else. I have to improve some things before I get the stripe. This was my test:

Combinations:
* Spin stomp kick, tornado kick then back kick
* Rear leg side kick, flying side kick
* Quarter front kick, back kick, moving spin back kick
* Reverse punch, jab, backfist, reverse punch, hook punch

Kicks:
* Flying side kick

Forms:
Whon Hyo, Do San, Dan Gun

Sparring:
Free sparring in a 5 point match.

Breaking:
2 board flying side kick over 3 people (that sounds really cool to me, though I didn't end up breaking. I managed to go neatly over everybody and do the kick, but the boards remained stubborn.)

I'll retest the things I need to improve in the summer semester. Classes will probably start again sometime in early May. I'll have to get a good chunk of my thesis and other work done by then. I'm considering taking classes in either Tai Chi or Aikido also in the summer (because I don't feel like I'm under enough pressure yet with classes 3 times a week during the semester I'm defending my thesis- actually, I just want to try some things that might improve my balance and focus.).

Notes

2007-04-19T22:50:00.000-04:00

* Spin stomp kick then tornado kick

* Jab with left, backfist with left, reverse punch with right, hook with left

* Quarter kick with right, jump spin back kick with left

* Front twist kick: lift right leg as in squat, kick in to out

Whon Hyo:

* First step is 'bowling' action
* Lean back while prepping for knife hand, striking hand back and below ear
* Hand to shoulder on knifehand, and heel VERY close to foot in cat stance
* Prep the side punch by opening shoulder.

* To prep for side kick, after 'hands together' thing, move right foot to left without leaving ground first

* For knifehand blocks, prep with shoulders open, and level (don't scrunch down)

* Front kick: lift knee high first, toes pointing down, then kick with ankle straight
After kicking, land in FRONT stance, i.e., good width

* Side kick: chamber with knee high against shoulder, can be on toes of left foot. Then stretch out without turning, then use butt muscles to turn, and stay with leg level.

* After side kick, bring right foot close to left before prepping for last(name?) block. Left foot back, body pointed right, arms up and in center, head looking left. Block. Same on right.

My First Board Break!

2007-04-15T22:00:00.000-04:00

So its good news. I'll start by saying that all the cliches are true...

its imperative to believe that you can put your foot through the board...

you do need to aim a little behind the board and throw the weight of your body behind the kick...

and of course, when you actually do break it, you hardly feel a thing, you could have been kicking through a sheet of paper.

On my last test, for a green belt, one of the tasks was to break a single board with a back kick. I wasn't able to do it during the test (1, 2) after a couple of tries and I was pretty bummed out because everybody else in my group did break theirs. My kick felt ok, but I felt like I just kept bouncing off the board! I wasn't sure what I was doing wrong, perhaps I was just too weak, and needed to get more power in my legs.

In our school, we improve on the things that are pointed out to us during the test before we move to the next rank. So I had until the next testing cycle to do all my improvements. I kind of pushed the board breaking to the back of my mind. I slowly retested on all the other techniques. I went kind of slow because of having to miss a bunch of classes because of travel. Why did I save the board breaking for the end, I keep asking myself. Some weird reason like it was the last thing we were tested on, and I was doing all my retests in the same order.

Anyway, I ended up in the situation where I had two classes to break my board, Thursday and today. I tried on Thursday with black belt helping me by pointing out what was lacking in my technique, like the best way to chamber, starting with butt slightly pointed to target, chambering without turning the body and then exploding the kick out - causing the turning action. I tried and tried but wasn't able to break it on Thursday. I was pretty depressed that night. I had the same feeling of bouncing off the board, and I could feel that as I made contact I was withdrawing too quickly as though I was scared of going too far.

Also, I'm a bit ashamed of succumbing to it, but in part I felt bad because everybody else would advance while I felt I wouldn't be able to complete the break by Sunday.

Miss Chris had suggested once that getting a wavemaster was a good idea. I can't fit one of those into my apartment, but we do have them at school. Thursday night I decided I needed to kick against that and get over my fear of following through. That night, I read on the net something like a 3lb hammer can easily crack plywood and our legs can do much more damage. I have a block of plywood, which is actually a cabinet door that I use as a small coffee table. I tried smashing through it with a hammer, and indeed it produced a satisfying crack without even hitting very hard. For good measure, I hit it again with the ridge of my hand to crack it some more. I wanted to get over my fear of committing to the strike while hitting hard things. I went to bed that night a little less sad.

I've never practiced kicking on a wavemaster before, and it was an eye-opener. You can kick with so much more power when there is resistance. I always hold back when sparring in class, and though we do drills with pads, I guess I still hold back because I don't feeling like 'letting it all go' with someone behind the pad. I also didn't realize how far I could go. But somehow I knew that to break the board I'd have to get over that. I spent an hour on Friday on the wavemaster just doing back kick. I felt quite a bit of improvement in committing to the kick. Another aspect I felt I needed to improve was leading the kick with the heel and then striking with the whole foot. My senior helping me test had pointed out that many times I was hitting with the ball of my foot, and this was causing the 'bouncing off'. I practiced really hard getting that right. At the end, suddenly I noticed that I was so engrossed by it that when I would hit, a shout would come deep in my belly. That felt very natural, and I think it helped me push energy in the right direction.

I went back on Saturday and did another hour of back kicks. The wavemaster is REALLY GREAT! I am definitely going to practice on that from now on.

I spent the day not thinking about the breaking very much at all, and I wasn't at all emotional about the outcome, whether I broke or not. I was certainly more confident about it after my kicking practice. I had a niggling doubt about the fact that it was a board and not a springy wavemaster but I pushed it away.

After class, I started trying to break. First, my senior asked me to practice with sheets of paper. Those kicks were all good and she told me to kick the board in the same way. Finally I tried on the board. I tried about half a dozen times or so. Sometimes too close and I couldn't extend my leg out. Sometimes I wasn't pushing out my thigh first on the kick, and it would go too low. Sometimes, my knee would splay out after the chamber, and I would hit the side of the board. And it was all in the details because my kicks weren't bad; they just weren't perfect. Finally, I corrected each of these things and then the shouts from my belly from practice started coming out and I was more in my groove. It still wasn't breaking though. Another senior took a look at my kick, and asked me to throw my body weight behind the kick, so that when finishing the kick, I landed on the kicking leg, in the direction of the kick. Two more tries with that in mind, and then it broke.

I felt a lot of satisfaction and realized how correct your technique has to be before you break it. Its good practice. I felt good, but I actually didn't feel surprised when it broke. I think that's good. Maybe it means deep down, I really did believe I'd do it.

I feel kind of stupid posting this (because the rest of you have probably done this a million times and don't make a big deal out of it), but I'll do it just this once, because it was my first time. Its 3/4" thick and about a foot square.

I feel very grateful to my seniors and friends in class who helped and encouraged me when I thought it just wouldn't happen.

2007-04-08T20:13:00.000-04:00

I suspected this might happen. I got to the gym to find nobody warming up. I guess there was no class because of Easter. I ran around and around the track for a while, ran through my forms and then headed home. Oh well, back to work tonight!

There were actually 5 or 6 people from my class practicing together in another room, but I was too shy to go join them. I had hoped to continue with my retesting, which is getting a bit delayed with all the traveling I'm doing. I'm out of town from the 21st again, so my aim is to finish my retests that remain by then - spin stomp kick, Do San form and breaking a board with a back kick ~~(can you tell I'm scared I'll never manage this last one?)~~ (screw it, I am going to break the damn board).

Kind of Cute

2007-04-07T14:31:00.000-04:00

Feeling a bit nihilistic this morning? Feeling some of your teenage angst coming back? Sick of things and just want to blow something up? This is kind of entertaining (for a while).

2007-04-05T22:44:00.000-04:00

The last few months have been rather stressful for me. I'm graduating in the summer, and this is the time when I look for jobs and the prospect of actually writing up my thesis work is looming closer and closer. That's why I've especially appreciated going to taekwondo class these days. Academic life brings out a lot of insecurities in people and I think it gets worse close to the end -- can I really finish, am I really good enough for this degree...? Sometimes I feel so paralyzed by what I'll achieve if I do finish, that it takes my energy for action away. I stop thinking about all this when I go to class, so I get a lot of mental relief from it. I love the feeling of doing something so physical (that I don't have time to think of anything but the motion or kick or punch at hand) for few hours. When I went back to my class after spring break, my Sir saw me, gave me a friendly slap on the back and said, "good to have you back!". I thought it was nice that in big class at university he noticed the existence of a relatively new student.

I've been interviewing at U of T-- yesterday and today. So I had to travel out of town and miss class on Tuesday and today. It weighed somewhat on my mind and I am starting feel some heartache that after I graduate I'll probably move elsewhere and have to start at a different school. I'm really eager to get back to class on Sunday. I think it is partly the stress of waiting for interview results as well as the feeling that time is going by and I wish things would stay as they are -- me doing my Phd, and studying taekwondo in the evenings -- and not change.

More Sparring Notes to Myself

2007-04-01T23:57:00.000-04:00

* Opponent does front foot roundhouse. Watch for the chamber (i.e., lift of the leg far back and pivot of foot), move forward to block, and then punch/kick when he's vulnerable.

* Opponent does front foot side kick. Take the kick on your side, but move in quickly and check that he doesn't have time to chamber again and kick.

* When doing double front foot side kick, try to chamber knee all the way to initial position on second kick.

* Double roundhouse kicks. On first kick, opponents instinct is to move head back, off balance, but then return balance by becoming upright. Try to use the second roundhouse at this point.

* When opponent performs a turning kick or punch, turn with them, e.g. counter reverse punch with spin stomp kick. Or counter back foot roundhouse with a back kick.

I forgot to say that these are notes to help me remember the drills our teacher made us practice, I didn't just have revelations about all this!

To Watch for While Sparring

2007-03-29T22:13:00.000-04:00

Today we practiced the following while sparring (or as much as I can remember).

Is opponent on front foot or back? He's on front if rear leg is under backside. If he's on front leg, he can do front leg kicks. Otherwise not.

Move away from front foot side kicks. But after the kick, move close enough quickly so that opponent doesn't have enough time to chamber kick and hit again.

Block roundhouse kicks and move inside to punch since his front is exposed.

Counter front foot quarter kicks with a front foot side kick.

Try countering reverse punch with spin stomp kick.

Whon Hyo

2007-03-18T11:52:00.000-04:00

I have started learning my next form Whon Hyo. I think this is my favorite yet. Its more complex than the others I've learnt so far, Chonji, Dan Gun and Do San. It might be I feel that just because its new.

This is the first pattern with side kicks. In the front foot side kick, from the fighting stance, say with the left foot forward, you pivot on your right foot while turning to the right, and chambering the left knee by bending and pointing it downward towards the floor. The back foot side kick is from the front stance. Say you have your right leg at the back. The first step is to lift your right leg high while bending the knee, towards your torso/shoulder. This is the chamber. Next, you pull your torso back while extending the leg in a kick. At the instant of the kick, the standing foot pivots, and you end up in the side kick position.

We used to practice the back foot side kick a lot when we were just beginning, but in class now, we mostly practice the front foot, just because we rarely start in the front stance. So my back foot side kick is a bit rusty, but its not a very easy kick either. So I'm glad to see its in the form, and I'll be getting some practice at it.

I saw a video of a person doing Whon Hyo here. We use more exaggerated low stances and a lot more pivoting motion of the hips while blocking. Power from the hips is one of the things that my teacher emphasises a lot, the other being really deep stances, the idea being that the deeper you are, the more stable, and the harder it is for someone to push you over.

Exercise => Mental Strength

2007-03-15T21:30:00.000-04:00

Something a friend, TT, said to me:

In yoga, the poses are not an end in themselves. Their purpose is to prepare the mind-body for the rigors of meditation.

More Thoughts on Testing (Or, Its Not Just Me!)

2007-03-03T22:33:00.000-05:00

It seems our school's way of doing tests is different from what I've heard about elsewhere. When we test, *most* people don't pass the the first try, especially all the way up to brown belt. On our last test for a green stripe, only one person out of about 10 or 12 passed right away. I'm not sure whether black belt candidates also go through testing and retesting, or whether they are expected to be more perfect.

Anyway, I don't know whether our system is good or bad. On the one hand it seems that we test *very* frequently, at least in the lower belts. We get good feedback about what we need to improve, and retesting and improving one's technique continues over the course of the next few weeks or sometimes months. So its certainly good practice for perfecting your technique, which is hard to do in a huge group during class. On the other hand, during testing, there is always this rise and excitement about testing, and then the fall of disappointment on not passing. I would think it kind of bums you out, time after time.

Test

2007-03-03T19:48:00.000-05:00

I have mixed feelings about this test. In January, I'd made it one of my goals to pass my next test on the first try. That didn't happen, but I can tell that I have made a lot of improvement, and its no longer as much a matter of chance that I do well. I feel that I've got more power and better stances while doing my forms, which was lacking last time. And the kicks that I know the right techniques for, I can do well, its just a matter of saying the important points to myself in my head. So on the whole, my feeling is kind of bittersweet.

The white belts tested first. There were about 12 of them. I tested with a group of 7 other yellow belts. The start of the test threw me off a bit. First, my teacher called out our names, and of course completely stumbled on mine. It made me feel kind of bad and alien, I have to say. Yes, its long and unfamiliar looking but its not *that* hard.

We lined up in front of the judges, who sit in a row. I saw my judge take a look and something on my sheet, which had my name and rank, and laugh a bit. He then pointed out something to the person on his left, and smiled and then to the person on the right, and smile a bit again. Weird. I caught my judges eye and looked a but puzzled about what it was. I thought he was pointing out that I'd written my rank as 'yellow belt with green stripe'. Why was that funny? Were they laughing at me or my inexperience? Was I not supposed to write green stripe? Should I just have written yellow belt? I kept asking myself this crap and feeling slightly embarrassed. Finally, the test started. First, a sequence of different punches. Then spin stomp kick (huh!, I wasn't expecting that), sliding side kick, sliding roundhouse, hook kick, spin hook kick and finally a sequence of kicks -- double side kick, back kick, reverse punch.

We then performed out highest form Do San and the lowest, Chon Ji twice each. For sparring, we got paired off and my pair was last, since I was shortest. So I got a bit of time to catch my breath. My sparring match started out well, I managed to roundhouse kick my opponent, and got 2 points (I think for the very first time in a match). After that, I didn't do as well. My opponent would stand and wait a bit, not making the first move. Tired of this, I'd make the first move, and he would quickly move in and punch or kick. This happened a couple of times, and that was the end of that.

The last part of the test was breaking a single board with a back kick (this was our groups very first board break ever). My kick was feeling decent, but I didn't manage to break the board. After my second try, which hit one of the board holders fingers, my teacher said to me, "Well, you're done for today, and so is he." All the other 7 people broke it. So I'll be doing that again while retesting.

Finally, the results of my test were that I have to retest:

* hand combinations, since my hook punches are too wide
* spin stomp kick (! there it is again, it seems this is my nemesis)
* hook kick (my lift is good, but I need to flip it out better)
* spin hook kick (make it faster)
* Do San (Need to lock knees on punches, knifehands at the end shouldn't come over head. Backfists need a little work. Speed and power fine (yay!)).

The comments I received for free sparring were: Be more aggressive with your kicks. Try something other than roundhouse.

Reading over this, I realize I make it sound like everything was negative. I did get some comments on what was good:

* sliding side kick: very nice, could slide a little more
* sliding roundhouse: good, release foot a little sooner

...and that's all folks.

After the yellow belt test, a few blue belts and a brown belt tested for stripes. Then two blue belts tested for their brown belt.

After this we had our sparring seminar, which consisted of everyone who wanted to spar fighting against one of the three people on the team which had come to visit. One of the differences in their style was a lot more punching.

The testing ended with one brown belt testing for his black belt. He was first tested on all the forms. Next, he had to kick with various kicks onto a kick shield which our teacher held from one end of the room to the other and back. Then he sparred with one of the visiting black belts. It was quite vicious, and he had cuts on his face after it. Then more sparring with various people from our school. Next, he broke 4 boards with (I think it was) a side kick. Then broke 2 boards with a flying side kick over a table. Then a test where about 5 pairs of people held boards at various angles, and he had to break them with any kick he liked, all in 15 seconds.

And that incident with the smiling judge? I think I realized what it was. On my sheet with my test comments, 'yellow with green stripe' was crossed out and replaced with '2nd green', which I guess is the term they use in my school for the same thing. So I had gotten flustered over nothing.

Test Heebee Jeebees

2007-03-03T00:00:00.000-05:00

My knee has been sore and painful since the last class, and some muscle on the inside thigh or the underneath of my rear of the same leg has been feeling pulled for a week now. I am about 80:20 in favor of the hypothesis that its nervousness about the test.

Testing, Stripes, Belts etc.

2007-02-25T22:05:00.000-05:00

I finished all my improvements last class, and got a green stripe taped to my yellow belt today. I'll test for a green belt on March 3rd. We'll be tested on only four kicks:

- sliding side kick
- sliding roundhouse
- hook kick
- spin hook kick

so hopefully I'll devote a good bit of practice to each. In sliding kicks, you slide ahead with your support foot while kicking to get a bit of extra distance. I'm best at sliding roundhouse and hook kick. My sliding side kick is passable, but my spinning hook kick is rather miserable at the moment.

I tried back kicks for the first time while sparring today, but I must have been slow, because I got bopped in the face for my efforts. I've tended to stick with roundhouse, side kick and hook kick during sparring so far.

Falling Asleep in Class?

2007-02-24T13:27:00.000-05:00

How, you say, can one fall asleep in a fast paced class which seems to keep you interested so that you don't even feel the hour fly by?

For almost every class since the beginning of the semester, we have followed the following pattern. We start out with a quick warmup and stretching. Then its on to practicing combinations and kicks and being told how each might be useful while sparring. We then have about 15 minutes of free sparring where every person spars roughly half of the class, in parallel. This is achieved by lining up in two rows, and each person sparring the opposite person for a few minutes, before we're given the call to "switch!" and then moving down the line. Sometimes, in the middle of this, we'll be called to "form a ring!" and then two people are called to freespar in a match. After freesparring, we practice our forms. Time permitting, we end with situps or leg raises.

As I mentioned, things happen really quickly. Though we've followed this routine, there is enough variety that I've never been bored by it. A couple of classes ago, perhaps due to our dismal showing in forms, Dr. S. decided to do nothing but forms the whole class. So not a few were surprised when after warmup, we were suddenly all asked to launch into our highest form. I noticed some people completely blanked out, just because its not the usual order we do it in. And these people are usually good at their forms and I see them practicing after class and so on.

So that's how you can fall asleep in class.

Channeling

2007-02-19T20:37:00.000-05:00

Yesterday during class, I was channeling Anatoli Boukreev. Boukreev was an exceptional mountaineer who saved several lives in extreme conditions while climbing Everest in 1996 when bad whether and a series of unfortunate circumstances caused many deaths. Strangely, just about a year later, Boukreev himself was killed in an avalanche while climbing another mountain in Nepal, Annapurna. In his posthumously published diaries Above the Clouds, translated from Russian, you get a sense that he was a remarkable athlete and human being. He was physically and mentally superior and would climb tall peaks without supplemental oxygen. His preferred mode of ascent was a rapid climb, usually in under a day, which often amazed other seasoned climbers.

What I liked most was that he was not at all egoistical about his capabilities or triumphs. It's clear that it is his love for the mountains and the experience of the climb, the feeling of oneness with the mountain which drives him to climb these peaks one after another, not the quest to 'conquer' the mountain. He dislikes the increasing trend of 'clients' on guided expeditions who with little or not enough training for climbing peaks like Everest attempt to do so by literally paying their way there. Sherpas carry their heavy loads, oxygen, and clear the trails for them. They expect that by shelling out enough money, they can hire the expertise of the guide gained through years of experience to rescue them in difficult circumstances. Near the end of his life (he dies at about the age of 40), after the tragic events of 1996, he contemplates why people put themselves in great danger to try to summit Everest without the proper experience:

What is it that pushes a person to climb? Clients on our expeditions pay great sums of money to endure the hardships of camp life...Of course, inside each one of us is the ambition to reach the summit, to realize that you are stronger than obstacles, that it is within your power to do something uncommon and indeed impossible for most people. But one must be prepared to *face* these obstacles.
It would be far better if ambition compelled people to train, to commit to preparation that went from simple to complex, hardening the spirit. The individual should derive pleasure from the process of physical and mental development. The payment for ambition should be made in preparation, in training and improving oneself, not in the loss of a life.

His story really focussed me in class, and I found some hidden reserves of willpower to perform my best.

Shredded

2007-02-12T20:08:00.000-05:00

When I first started, I used to tape up my toes (with tape left over from the jammed toe incident) to avoid this, but the last few months I've decided not to be a wimp, and to toughen up my feet!

Last Night I Decided

2007-02-04T19:13:00.000-05:00

to shake off my gloomy thoughts and go down to the local chain bookstore at 10 in the night. I'd gone wanting to find books like Mark and Delia Owens' Cry of the Kalahari, which I had found very engaging, but the store didn't have much of a 'nature/ nature ecology' section, which was what that book was classified under.

Randomly, I found myself in the martial arts section. I ended up going home with Joe Hyams' Zen in the Martial Arts and finished it by midnight. I liked the story of the karate instructor who speeds the healing of his badly fractured hand by visualizing little construction workers working on his hand as he went to bed every night. I liked the small reminders scattered throughout the book like

'The less effort, the faster and more powerful you will be.'-Bruce Lee.

which gave me the resolve (I hope) to practice without unnecessary straining. And I liked the reminder about the distinction between having patience -- having the capacity to endure setbacks calmly -- and giving yourself time -- working towards a goal without setting a limit on how long it will take. These are things that we all 'know' but its good to remind oneself and to think about them.

Maybe Not

2007-01-31T17:52:00.000-05:00

Lest my last post give the idea that I can now do flawless wheel kicks, I'll disabuse you of any such notion. I can't. I think I've just begun to learn that I needed to let my torso 'lie down' during the last portion to the kick, making it easier for the leg to spin levelly.

I had such a frustrating time yesterday retesting on the wheel kick. So, for the last few days, I've been retesting on all the techniques which needed improvement from my last test, and yesterday I ventured to do wheel kick. Result: I've passed wheel kick on one leg. I still find it very hard to keep my leg level all the way. I hate the initial jerking motion you have to give yourself to start spinning. There must be some more efficient way to do it, it feels so forced. And I'm not able to do the initial lift of the leg for long enough. A very helpful brown belt was helping me retest. I chose him because he's very good, and gives good advice. Also, he doesn't just easily pass you on the retest. By the end of it, I was almost in tears from the strain in my side of doing it over and over again. I also feel I am still doing something wrong if it is such a strain. But what?

I'm rather depressed today also because during the last few classes my side stitch has been bothering me again. Its quite bad when I walk uphill. It started in November and has been there on and off. Kidney stones were ruled out, and I scare myself thinking that its something like a ruptured liver from sparring. It would be nice if I could get some kind of scan done to set my mind at ease. But that is easier said than done. In November, they told me to come back again if it bothered me, and I hate this back and forth we have to do. I told them it could have come from an injury during sparring, so why can't they just take some kind of scan? It would really set my mind at ease. My focus has been really bad as I worry about this during class a lot. Its entirely possible that I just strained my diaphragm (or my side or something), and the stress of not knowing what it is (not to mention the stress of job-hunting) is at the bottom of perpetuating it. I am going to go and cry.

Look Ma, I Can Wheel Kick

2007-01-28T22:43:00.000-05:00

Today we were practicing a combination where you spin stomp kick and then do a wheel kick. And something just clicked and for the first time, so that I felt myself doing a wheel kick the right way! It was as if a channel had opened directly from my brain to my leg and information was flowing freely along it -- it really felt like that. I think what I finally got was how to separate the motion of my upper body and my leg so they are at 180 degrees during the 'wheel' portion of the kick. Actually, I couldn't make out what I was doing differently to achieve this, so it seems a bit magical at this point. I have to think of a better way to explain, perhaps in pictures. Anyway, finally some kind of missing piece was put in place. I hope I don't lose it!

What's fascinating to me is how there is a kind of subconscious learning going on all the time, perhaps from watching others, perhaps from doing it wrongly and it feeling wrong. Then at some point, there is a threshold where the subconscious learning becomes enough to translate into action.

Combinations to Practice

2007-01-21T22:21:00.000-05:00

1. Reverse punch with right hand -- pivot body before starting punch, then hook with left -- keep elbow on level with hand.

2. Side kick -- remember to have knee pointing down, then cock leg back so knee is pointing down, and kick again.

3. (??not-sure-of-name??) front kick -- cock leg close to body and then a high front kick moving foot from up to down (the idea being to surprise your opponent by bringing the kick down from above).

4. Reverse punch with right, front kick with right, then step across side kick -- remember to have legs cross before kick.

5. Side kick (left leg) then back kick (right leg).

--

6. Quarter front kick with right (right foot lands ahead), jab with left, roundhouse with right leg.

7. Front kick (right leg from behind) then back kick (left leg).

8. Knife hand (scythe motion) with right hand from behind -- keeping feet almost fixed, twist until torso faces left while doing this, then backfist with right, then hook with left.

9. Front stomp kick -- cock left thigh up, move leg high and in an outward circle, jab with right hand, then roundhouse with left leg.

When sparring:
Remember to counterattack when opponent's attack fails, since they are vulnerable at this time, instead of both just waiting to try again, as if by agreement!

Turning Kicks

2007-01-21T01:47:00.000-05:00

I don't know if its because of the long break or something else, but I am having a lot of trouble with my spinning type kicks like tornado kicks or wheel kicks. I seem to have developed a mental block as well. Every time I do it in class, I find myself thinking...I'm acrobatically challenged, you need to be young and flexible to do this...and feeling that I'll have to resign myself to doing them terribly. Rather frustrating, as I'm not sure how to improve.

Recovery from Sprained Knee and Jammed Toe

2007-01-21T01:18:00.000-05:00

I've been wanting to write this post for a while, but always put it off because I wasn't actively thinking of my injuries anymore. This is mainly for all the people who wind up here searching for injured knee or toe. Older posts (1, 2, 3) mention how I got hurt and what I was doing about it. But this post is about the recovery.

I strained/sprained(?) my knee some weeks into starting Taekwondo. For about three weeks it felt 'out of joint' (whatever that means), it hurt and twinged while walking on it, and would get worse when I went to class. I combined trying to rest and journalling about my anxieties at that time regarding my knee and other things going on in life. The pain gradually started subsiding after three weeks and I missed only 1 or 2 classes because of it, because I used to force myself to go, really. Two things: at the time it was getting better, I jammed my toe and promptly the residual knee pain disappeared as I was totally focussed on and terribly worried about my toe. Second, looking back, the recovery was speeded up when I stopped obsessing about when I'd be able to participate properly in class. I'm also glad I tried to go to class and do what I could. This wasn't without anxiety: the worry of making it worse, the worry of telling my teacher that I couldn't participate fully. In hindsight, I think being active helped.

At this point I jammed my toe while one-step sparring one night. It subsided in two to three weeks. Close to two weeks after the incident, I had to travel to San Francisco, and spent an afternoon walking around Chinatown, without any ill effects. After this, recovery was almost immediate. Going to class was certainly worry inducing. I was most afraid of it being smooshed by someone again, or delaying the recovery. Again, though it didn't seem so easy then, in hindsight, it helped to keep going to class. As time progressed, I noticed that my toe felt less and less worse after a class. This definitely increased my confidence about it getting better.

Oh...and though I rested and iced and elevated initially, I didn't continue after a few days, and I did no other physical therapy than trying to keep going to class, and trying to keep up my daily routine.

New Year

2006-12-31T19:49:00.000-05:00

Best wishes for the new year! Especially to all of you whom I've come to know through your writings over the last few months. I've enjoyed reading your views on training in martial arts. I've learned much and been inspired many times, so thank you. I read about people who continue to train in the face of sickness, people who live away from home and pursue training in the country of their art, people who trained in martial arts despite initial fears of being too old, and teachers who train generations of students in martial arts without thought of recompense. Remarkable!

Have a happy and healthy year.

Learning Alone

2006-12-12T20:07:00.000-05:00

Practicing alone is hard! The novelty has worn off from repeating the same things on my own, and my mind tends to get distracted very easily. After today's session I was thinking about why I feel motivated to keep practicing when classes are on but not on my own. I mean ideally, I want to think that such strong motivation is there in my personality, but I know its not.

One thing about going to class is that I get to be in the society of other people. Other than this immersion into closeness with other people, I don't have to many other social interactions. I don't have any friends outside of work. I've always been too judgemental and harsh to have developed any long-lasting friendships. But I do want to be with other people. So strangely, I am getting this from taekwondo class. The even stranger thing is, in class I am totally quiet, always in a corner, and I never speak to anyone unless spoken to and I will probably never be friends with anybody from class. Still, going to class fulfils this need of mine, and maybe this is partly what keeps me motivated to practice.

About practicing alone, I always wonder about my teacher. How does he learn new things now. I realize one doesn't have to go to a class to learn new things in martial arts, but what drives you from inside to learn without guidance?

Goals

2006-12-07T19:24:00.000-05:00

* Stretching: I ditched the stretching routine I wrote about in an earlier post long ago. Instead, I've been doing dynamic stretching before class, and static stretching after class, as Kurz advises. I think its worked well for me. My goal now is to stretch every morning in addition.

* Forms: I've managed to practice my forms 5 times each everyday during my break. I want to take it up to 20 times each everyday. The only thing I'm worried about is without someone to point out my mistakes, I might just be doing things wrong many times over.

* Testing: I want to pass my next test the first time round. This is going to be the toughest...its not that the tests are impossible, but I need to be able to make it to all classes and practice a lot at home. Unfortunately, I'm travelling a lot next semester. But I will try for this goal as hard as I can.

Teacher

2006-12-03T16:40:00.000-05:00

In India, we grow up with an almost fearful respect of our teachers. We were made to show respect whether we really felt it or not, out of habit. Now its very natural for me to feel respect for anyone who teaches me anything, whether they are officially my teacher or not. I do think one has to humble oneself to some degree before learning. When I think of people I know who were not able to learn effectively, it is always in part because they did not humble themsleves sufficiently. I felt quite awkward when I got to the US and found that it was customary to address our professors by their first names. Back home, we wouldn't even say Professor So-and-so, but only Sir or Ma'am. So I feel quite comfortable in taekwondo class where we usually refer to our teacher as Sir, or Professor and certainly never by first name, which to me feels right, and the way things should be.

My taekwondo teacher started his training in 1972, earning his black belt in 1976. He continued his training during his undergraduate studies, earning higher degree black belts. He has been teaching Taekwondo at my university for around 15 years now, and is also a member of the faculty.

I am amazed at his level of academic accomplishment along with the level of his dedication to teaching taekwondo. I've gradually come to think that perhaps its possible for me too, to devote serious time to training and fulfil my academic goals.

To Your Health

2006-12-02T20:41:00.000-05:00

I came across this article in Shinichi Tohei's Ki Weblog. I found it unexpectedly, and was surprised (because its rare to see this view) and moved by it because it echoes what I feel about the connection between our mental and physical health. As I've mentioned before, I've found from experience that when we suffer from a chronic condition, or are dealing with injury, we should immediately examine our emotional state; that is where the solution lies. After having realized this, unfortunately, its impossible not to try to convert everyone you see suffering to this point of view. I say unfortunately because one is mostly met with rejection or indifference. I let this affect me, and I've often thought, 'why do I bother', and so I was moved to see the article, because it offers all of us much hope.

I don't know how to "extend my ki" as the article recommends, but I think just being aware of such a possibility, that we are not doomed to ill health and injury, is the first step.

Here's wishing everyone good health and happiness.

Last Class

2006-11-28T18:33:00.000-05:00

We had our last class of the semester the Sunday before last. I'm not sure why we end so early. It was actually a testing day and I was surprised since we had just tested in October. Anyway, it seems the yellow belts test for a green 'stripe' before the end of the semester. Perhaps this is to keep people motivated to come back next semester since unless we pass the test (nobody seems to right away), we only get the stripe next semester after remedying what we need to.

Anyway... my test results said that I needed work on most of my 'spinning' type kicks and some others too: Given that I've done these kicks for a few odd weeks, I didn't need to take a test to realize this.
* spin stomp kick
* wheel kick
* tornado kick
* moving spin back kick
* front roundhouse kick

I don't know how much the names will convey, possibly other schools use different names and I don't know the Korean equivalents.

In addition, though I performed Dan-Gun reasonably, apparently I did badly at Chon-ji, the earlier form; my stances weren't deep enough and I didn't show enough power. I made a resolution to practice my forms at least over the month long break, if nothing else, so lets see how that goes.

The main event of the night was two girls testing for their brown belts. They first did many different combinations of kicks and punches, the longest maybe 6 or 7 in a row. Then they performed their forms. They sparred against each other, then against 4 black and brown belts. Next, they broke boards with hook and side kicks. Finally, 10 knuckle pushups (that seemed too few...maybe they were asked to do less because they're girls?). I wonder if they got their belts. To be honest, everything didn't look 'flawless' to me, maybe its not supposed to. I guess I was thinking at that level, they would test almost perfectly. Green belts and blue belts testing for a stripe broke boards with flying side kicks, which was entertaining to watch.

We start classes again in the beginning of January, and I am somewhat glad of the break. For a while, my time in the evenings will not be allotted wholly to Taekwondo. Also, I've been worrying about a stitch in my side that's been bothering me for a few weeks now. I tend to associate it with when I got hit in the tummy, or having strained something in my side, though by now it might be (psychological, i.e.) complicated by the fact that I was very worried and stressed about being hit hard during sparring.

On 12/11: I am sure my body will regret the break. I can feel my kicks getting rusty. It takes so much motivation to practice on your own even a 10th of what we do in class!

How to Kick Harder

2006-11-14T09:45:00.000-05:00

I think the simple answer is: put your butt/hips into the kick. The hips generate a lot of power, and this has to be made use of while kicking as well as punching.

For example, in front kick, thrusting your hips forward gives the kick power. Imagine that at the instant of throwing the kick, someone slaps you forward hard in the small of your back. That is how our instructor gets us to kick with more 'snap' (see also the comments section for a reader's suggestion about how to think of the hip action). In roundhouse, during the kick, your hips should be moving 'into' the kick. To do this, bend the balance knee so that your hips are free to move forward in the direction of the kick. In back kick, try to keep your hips low while kicking and use your hips to thrust back, while you hold the kick for a vibration.

I want to say that I'm a beginner and learning these things for the first time, so I don't want it to sound like I'm an authority of any kind. I wrote this post because I felt it might be helpful for me (and hopefully other beginners) to put what I am learning about technique into words as precisely as I can. So if readers have corrections, suggestions or thoughts, do comment!

Flying Side Kick

2006-11-10T08:50:00.000-05:00

If there's one kick I want to become good at, its flying side kick! I tried one for the first time yesterday. I simply had a feeling of amazement that my body could be capable of doing this thing which seems to defy all the rules of gravity!

As I understood, here's how to do it: From fighting stance (body sideways (right), face forward), take a biggish step with back (right) leg, then a step with the other (left) leg. At this point, start to pull the kicking knee (right) towards your chin. This will have the effect of making the non-kicking (left) leg come up off the ground. Then straighten kicking (right) leg to kick. When raising knee to chin, try to keep the upper body straight, i.e. draw the knee up instead of pointing chin down. Try to hold the non-kicking (left) leg close, almost as if sitting. I think that the 'boost' for getting off the ground starts with the action of pulling the kicking knee up towards your body, and not so much by jumping off the ground with your non-kicking leg.

Capoeira and Kalaripayattu

2006-10-30T20:10:00.001-05:00

Someday, I want to learn how to do this.

Capoeira was a martial art developed by African slaves in Brazil. Its practice was outlawed by the colonials, and so to disguise the martial aspect, they made the actions look more dance-like. That seemed to have fooled the villainous colonizers!

The sport is non contact and sparring is done surrounded by a circle of the other artists who clap, sing and play drums! They seem to be very good at doing the spinning kicks I have trouble with. In fact most of the kicks seem to involve spinning. A person I know taking a class said that the first thing you practice is cartwheels.

While I'm on the subject of other martial arts, here is a video of the Indian martial art Kalaripayattu. Its a fairly ancient art.

It seems to be practiced almost exclusively in the southern part of India, and is even popular there. But growing up in northern India, I had no exposure to it at all. (Taekwondo and Karate are the most widely learnt martial arts in India) Here is an interesting article on the state of traditional martial arts in India. I had no idea for example that the Kalari martial art was intricately related to the traditional system of medicine, Ayurveda, Indian classical dance forms and Yoga. By way of that article, I found this nicely written and detailed article on the practice of Kalari.

Training with Advanced Students

2006-10-30T09:13:00.000-05:00

From now onwards, we will train with the rest of the students, instead of among ourselves, the beginner class. I thought it was really great. You get a lot more personal attention to your technique when you partner with a higher belt. All the advanced students I partnered with were very helpful and patient. I found their suggestions especially helpful for correcting the details of my forms. One small dilemna is if something they suggest about technique is a bit different from what you remember the instructor saying. It feels unseemly to argue, but you wish to follow your teacher's instructions too.

Injuries

2006-10-30T00:02:00.000-05:00

I don't keep the list of past injuries on the side because I'm morbid or want to dwell on them.

First, its to remind myself that I have gotten over injuries, and will keep doing so. The body has a miraculous capacity for healing that perhaps we don't fully trust in yet. To get over my fear of injury. Many injuries are caused by fear or inattention. Sometimes, because of our fear, pain continues long after healing has occurred. Secondly, I noticed a couple of times (through sitemeter) that people stumbled onto the site when they searched for injuries related to knees or toes. It always helps those of us who worry about the fragility of our bodies to know that someone else has overcome the same problem. For people dedicated to a sport, injury seems to have the effect not only of putting one out of commission, but depending on the severity, there is the added worry, "when, when will I be able to get back to training!".

If you are injured, and are worrying about whether to train or not, first, try to banish fear from your mind. The body is tough, and will heal! I have read that the biggest bone in the body, the femur, takes only 6 weeks to heal from a fracture, and is stronger than before it was broken. Take a few days off if training is too painful -- don't obsess about missing training, you won't fall behind drastically, it will have very little effect. Keep doing your non-training daily routine if possible. Lastly, if you just can't bear to keep yourself away from training, and are worried if you are doing further damage: obviously, be sensible about this, but within bounds, I think the body can cope with even this. Perhaps the injury will take somewhat longer to heal, but not indefinitely, and possibly it is a matter of double the time, depending on the injury.

So where are these thoughts coming from? We are confronted at every turn with a pessimistic or quick-fix approach to health and injury in society today. I liked reading Andrew ~~Wiles'~~ Weil's and John Sarno's books because they are doctors who speak with hope and enthusiasm of the capacity of the human body. Moreover, they talk about obtaining a deeper undertsanding of how the body functions, for example understanding how the mind interacts with the body. In medicine today, I have the impression that this connection is hardly given the attention it deserves; it deserves research not because it is interesting, but because it has the capacity to further our understanding of disease. They too came out of the same medical establishment. Why do they think differently?

Sparring

2006-10-27T13:50:00.000-04:00

I enjoyed my first time sparring. As I faced my opponent, I experienced a joyful, primal feeling. By primal, I mean that some very fundamental instinct which had seemingly been dormant, was awakened. I felt alert but at ease at the same time. I felt protective of myself, but that I could trust my brain to automatically give the commands to my arms to ward off blows without thinking about it. My eyes felt quick to move, looking for opportunity to strike. I felt light on my feet as though I wanted to imagine being a cat, or a panther!

I think what makes it easier is that we spar with only light contact. I wonder if this is a less effective way of preparing for an actual fight; one could tend to attack and move out too quickly without commiting fully to the punch or kick. The only low point was when one of my partners (he had said to me at the beginning of class, "I want to spar YOU!") got a kick through to my stomach, and actually made hard contact. I had the wind knocked out of me for a bit. Maybe he didn't have enough control, though I don't really believe that, and am putting it down to his immaturity. Good lesson for me I guess, not to trust anyone to hit lightly, no matter what the rules.

New Moves and Sparring

2006-10-19T21:47:00.000-04:00

Today we had our first class as yellow belts. The new things we learnt were:

* Punching, and kicking from fighting stance (body sideways). I need to remember:
- Punching: start punches underhand (forward hand or back?)
- Front kick: pivot on front kick first, then kick
- Step-side kick (not sure that this wasn't back kick): keep non-kicking foot in place while chambering, while the kicking knee points downwards. The foot closer to enemy is kicking foot.
* Dan Gun form
* One-Step Pattern #5: Block with (left) hand while executing punch which starts overhand, and hits underhand. With blocking (left) hand, grab attackers punching hand, and keeping feet in place, but pivoting away from attacker, pulling hand with their arm straight over my (left) shoulder, take step with (left) foot, while pulling arm over my head, still straight, bend their hand downwards, while pulling them to ground.
* I need to focus on pushing belly out more for my Side kick.

I've been out of town for a week, and the combination of eating out and no exercise were making me feel sluggish. So I'm glad I went to class. Unfortunately, I have to travel again this week. I'll have to miss my first class of sparring on Sunday...too bad.

I am nervous about sparring. About getting hurt, but also the very idea of fighting someone. I've been a terrible sissy since childhood. If I got into a fight, I would always back off, I had no idea how to efficiently fight someone. Sometimes, I would just retreat, humiliated, after trying to fight, and clumsily failing. I remember two instances. The first, I was 10, and the girl I was threatening to hit just grabbed my wrist, and I could do nothing. The second, I was about 11, and I ran up to this other kid to give him a 'flying' kick (he was calling me stupid names) and I just ended up short, not making any contact. I think of myself as a bit more coordinated and less clumsy now, but these thoughts are at the back of my mind.

A Productive Rest

2006-10-11T00:31:00.000-04:00

I took a day off from class today. I could have gone, and my toe would have been a bit sore later, but probably not terrible. I just wanted to train myself to be able to take a day off for rest, and not think obsessively through the day about missing class. And also I think I have been letting taekowndo dominate my thoughts of late, at the cost of letting work, cooking and housework slide a bit.

I'm pleased to report that I did quite well. I went to school early, and got a good bit of work done. After coming back home, I cooked myself a good dinner, which I haven't done for the last few days. I wrote a few important emails I've been putting off writing.

I hope my good rest will help me next class, physically and mentally.

2006-10-09T09:22:00.000-04:00

I didn't make it. I didn't get my belt. I was very disheartened last night, even though I knew beforehand that I probably wouldn't pass. It's not a big tragedy, I have to remedy my roundhouse, back kick and one of my one-step patterns, and I'll get my belt within the next couple of classes. But last night I fell asleep wondering, "why I am putting myself through so much physical and emotional strain?"

It's not about belts or ranks. Its the feeling of failure. My wish to surpass myself at something and my need for approval, at the innermost level are rooted in my deep feelings of inferiority. When I fail in these, it's a blow to my unconscious which is enraged at yet again being shown proof of my (perceived) inferiority. This is just a fact about me, maybe ugly, but just the truth. The reason I want to write about this is that being aware of it will stop my mind from creating physical distractions in order to prevent the painful emotions from being experienced.

This is not my insight, but John Sarno's. I will write more on what Sarno thinks on the subjects of inferiority fuelling ambition soon. It is just amazing to me what the mind is capable of and how much of it we are unaware of during our waking hours.

Kurz's Stretching Book

2006-10-07T11:20:00.000-04:00

I've been reading Thomas Kurz's Stretching Scientifically and I think I like it better than Sang H. Kim's Ultimate Flexibility.

Kurz's book is small, and easy to put together a warm up routine from. Kim's book has hundreds of exercises, and some suggested workouts. Moreover, Kurz has a biology lesson in the beginning where he explains how muscles work, what effect different kinds of stretching have on them and so on. Also, he seems to take a more optimistic view of injury, which is something I find reassuring.

I like that Kurz advises a vigorous warm up with front, side and back kicks before the actual activity. I found this more effective than static stretches. He argues that static stretches are not really preparing you for the dynamic activity. He advises static and isometric stretches only after the activity. This makes sense to me, and I like the feeling of gradually increasing the range of my kicks until class starts. I find that if I do even some static stretching after a kicking warm up, I lose some of my springiness.

I've always felt very stiff and restricted in the groin area. I found that doing many repetitions of quickly raising your leg sideways and touching your hand, in a controlled way, loosens up that area more than the stretch where you sit with soles of feet touching, and try to push your groin apart.

Taekwon-toe

2006-10-06T10:54:00.000-04:00

Aaaaargggh! I practised so much to step the right way while blocking in one step sparring. I wish my @!*%$#@ partner had done the same. In the last 10 minutes of class yesterday, while I was congratulating myself because my knee was finally starting to feel better, said partner stepped right into my punch to block it, and gave my toe a good jam. For a moment I thought part of my foot had been cut or something because the pain was so sharp!

I thought the pain would subside like a stubbed toe, but this morning it still feels very bruised and stiff. I've been icing and elevating like a maniac. I'm wavering between getting it x-rayed to check for a break, or just staying off my feet. I'm worried the trip to the health center will take away precious recovery time.

I am hopping mad! Belt test is on Sunday, and I'll have to stay off my foot for a while, and probably won't be able to practice forms like I wanted to. Shit!

Update: The health center people just buddy-taped it together with the next toe. They say they don't do xrays, at least not right away, so I don't know if its broken or just jammed. Sigh....cheap student health care. They said to come back if its too much worse after my test on Sunday. If I had my camera, I would post a picture of my taped up toes, it looks pretty neat.

Update on 10/7: Here is some inspiration to fight through it from Taekwondomom's weblog. I hurt exactly the same toe!

Need to Practice

2006-10-01T20:30:00.000-04:00

Well, its a week before the exam, and I need LOTS of practice. I still need to work out the timing of pivots on all my kicks. It doesn't help that my knee is still a bit sore and preventing me from kicking as hard as I want to (I was chagrined to have to mention in class that my knee was still hurting after I was asked to kick harder on my back kick and lost my focus the remainder of the class. Practicing in the air is ok, but hard contact on the kick shield hurts). My sparring is abysmal; often I start by stepping the wrong way to block! I think I need to learn how to watch the opponent and react instead of just doing it because I know what is coming next. So things to remember:

* Stretch kick: Kick higher, keep head up

* Front kick: Stretch out ankle, but keep toes up; start the kick fast, and by almost kicking yourself in the butt, foot shouldn't hit someones hand placed a foot from the ground on the outswing.

* Roundhouse kick: Start by chambering knee pretty high up, knee pointed to opponent; then pivot, keeping knee pointed to opponent and kick fast hitting with ball of foot.

* Side kick: Chamber so that knee almost touches shoulder, spend some time stretching oo...uuuu...uuu...t, and then pivot to regain balance. Try to keep leg level during the pivot.

* Back kick: Bend low and start the kick by 'sitting', and with thighs almost brushing, then kick through the hole behind the support knee. Try to hold kick, and stretch it out far and high by bending support knee.

* Step back kick: Stance is lower than back kick. Take a fairly big step backwards, and stay low while taking the step, so that you're almost sitting after taking the step.

* Spinning kick: AAArrrggghhhh...I am SO bad at this. Anyway, lift up back leg to the side, and keep it there while spinning torso so that opposite shoulder is drawn towards the leg, then keep spinning (..err I think).

* Chon-ji: Do the moves fast enough, but try to keep body weight in between legs, as you would if you had full time for the 'prepare'.

* One Step Sparring: Yell when signalling ready for attacker. Keep eye on punching hand of opponent, and step away from it to block. While attacking, pivot while doing block (need to practice stepping back to prepare to block)
- Block with hand near punch (w.h.n.p), knife hand
- Block w.h.n.p, other hand chambers, punch to face, torso, face. In RIDING STANCE while punching
- Block w.h.n.p, stance should be facing attacker so as to generate maximum force while turning during elbow strike. Lift other hand to blocking hand and then two elbow strikes: first blocked side, then other. Remember to pivot feet , and use hips to generate the turning.
- Block with hand NOT near punch, bend at elbow, and straighten it out towards face of attacker while chambering other fist. Then punch with the chambered fist, while not moving the leg on that side, but move opposite leg a small step.

I heard in class today that usually all but one or two people fail the yellow belt exam the first time. GREAT! Now in addition to the stress of not knowing what will be asked, I KNOW I'm going to fail. I don't know whether to be relieved or depressed.

Curb Your Enthusiasm

2006-09-29T12:10:00.000-04:00

No, I haven't seen the show. I just like the phrase. When I started classes, I was really enthusiatic, to the point of putting too much effort into kicks and drills. To the point where I was not aware that with certain ways of moving, I could hurt myself by not moving in the most efficient way, for example, not focussing on my pivoting leg.

If you allow yourself to pivot freely on the ball of the foot with most of the work done by your thighs (this can be achieved by bending your support leg slightly at the knee before the pivot, for example in roundhouse or side kick), it is much better than turning by applying the force with your knees.

I've learnt the hard way, that the best way to approach the wish to give more than 100% each time is to focus on details, and to be smart and not emotional. I am trying to focus myself before each class, and to give my best effort while paying attention to how I am moving (rather than how much or how hard). Its hard to do this on your own without guidance. Currently, I am definitely feeling that I don't get enough comments from my instructor. I just try to not be dissapointed about this. An optimistic frame of mind helps against obstacles.

Belt Exam!

2006-09-27T22:10:00.000-04:00

My yellow belt exam is two weeks away! My first thought was that I want to be a white belt for longer. Nevermind that my side kicks and Chon-Ji feel far from yellow-belt-deserving quality. I was just enjoying the newness of going to class, learning new things and just being a beginner. Hmmm... maybe I am worried about having to expect more from myself if I am yellow belt. I am pretty resistant to change from the familiar.

As for my knee, it has definitely been improving steadily, though it feels stiff from time to time. I only missed one class because of it, though I might be expecting too much from myself by not taking a break. On the other hand, I have been reading Mindbody Prescription (by Dr. John Sarno) again and it did feel immediately much better. So I am trying to accept that it may be partly real injury, partly psychological and trying to explore the stress I have related to taekwondo. For example, the amount of time it takes, my need for my instructors approval, anger when I don't perform well but others do, and so forth.

I believe in the theory proposed in this book because I cured myself of back pain, neck pain and RSI (repetitive stress injury) which lasted a year by following its guidelines. The theory is a little to involved to go into here, but essentially its that the cause of chronic pain (of many different kinds) is stress in our daily lives, repressed emotions and repressed rage (these may be left over from childhood, as well as a reaction to current stresses). And once we learn to release these or become aware of them and aware of the mechanism by which the brain can create physical pain, it will subside. I want to stress, its not that the pain is imaginary, or `all in your head'. The pain is real, and people have measurable physical symptoms like stiffness or tightness or weakness. However, the pain is created because our brain gives the nervous system an order to decrease blood flow! I highly recommend the book for more information.

Here is a quote from the book. Its in the context of RSI but it applies to many situations, including taekwondo for me, since I feel conditioned to think 'Oh, all this pivoting and kicking; it must be bad for my knees'. Anyway, Dr. Sarno says,

"It is totally without logic that after millions of years of evolution...our bodies have become structurally incompetent, or that we have become so fragile that we must be careful how we move, use our bodies, or engage in repetitive activities. This is unadulterated nonsense. We are not made of papier-mache; we are tough and resilient, adaptable and quick to heal."

On how chronic pain often manifests itself in the same place as an injury:

"..this is a demonstration of the cleverness and ingenuity of the mind when it wishes to create a physical distraction. The mind is aware of everything that goes on in the body, including the site of herniated discs, meniscus tears in the knee joints and tears of the rotator cuff in the shoulder. It may sound fanciful, but experience makes it clear that the brain will initiate pain where a structural abnormality exists, the better to impress you and more firmly keep your attention on your body, just as it will induce pain at the site of an old injury."

Stretching

2006-09-24T12:51:00.000-04:00

I've decided to do a stretching routine everyday, even (or especially) on off days, twice a day. I got off to a good start today, though I woke up only at 10. After taking a hot shower, did a small warmup and stretching session.

Warmup consisted of 30-50 each of
* Jumping jacks (I never see people doing these in gyms anymore. Is it embarrassing or something?)
* Neck rotations
* Arm rotations
* Hip rotations
* Side to side rotations for hips
* Knee rotations
* Windmills touching toes
* Ankle rotations

Stretching consisted of 5 stretches each for a count of 10
While standing:
* Touching toes
* Touching toes one leg crossed before the other
* Touching toes with legs spread wide
* Lunges, side and front (I skipped these today because of the knee)
While sitting:
* Touch toes of one leg with other leg bent in sitting position
* Touch toes of one leg with head to knee while other leg is stretched out
* Touch toes of both legs with legs spread
* With legs spread (try to) put forearms flat on the ground
* Stretch groin by putting soles of feet together
While standing:
* Quad stretch: hold foot with one hand and touch foot to butt from behind
* Splits, side and front (I skipped these too today)
* Side stretch, reach with hand towards opposite leg while bending sideways

I was kind of making it up as I went along, so now I'm glad to have it written down for future reference.

It felt pretty good at the end. Its probably stupid but I've never paid much attention to stretching. I guess I never did anything vigorous enough to warrant it. When I used to go running, I got by with minimal stretching. So this is probably the longest and most thorough routine I've done. We do have stretching for the first 10 minutes of class, but its so fast paced, I don't think I ever end up holding a good stretch and breathing.

I've ordered 'Ultimate Flexibility' by Sang H. Kim, who is a martial artist, so hopefully I will increase my inadequate knowledge about stretching properly.

I totally forgot sit-ups and push-ups. We haven't had any push-ups in class yet, so I should build up while I can, and not be embarassed in class. I think I can do about 15 right now...pathetic. Sit-ups are better...I can do about 50 proper ones, but when we are asked in class to do 100, I think I lift only my neck for the last 50.

2/07: Just a note that I ditched this routine, and have been using the stretching routine suggested by Kurz for 4 months.

'Fearless'

2006-09-23T22:43:00.000-04:00

I saw Jet Li's movie 'Fearless' today. The plot was pretty simple, but I enjoyed the movie. It had the trademark scene of Jet Li practicing alone with beautiful scenery in the background, in slow motion at a particularly poignant juncture in the movie. Now that I know there is a difference between Wushu and Karate, I especially enjoyed the climactic fight in the end against the Karate fighter, trying to spot how their styles were different.

Google video has the fight online.
WARNING, CONTAINS SPOILERS!!

Tomorrow will be my first day back at taekwondo after my knee got hurt. It still feels a bit twingey. I'm trying to ignore my nervousness.

Starting Taekwondo "Later" in Life

2006-09-23T13:51:00.000-04:00

This thought is often at the back of my mind. Am I going to be flexible enough? Will I be able to compete and keep up with younger stronger people?

I enjoy and am inspired by reading accounts of people who did start taekwondo later, especially when they had no previous history of martial arts. Here are some such websites:

Steve Conway's Taekwondo Site

Lisa Wise's Taekwondo Blog

My thoughts on this are that its all (mostly) in the mind. We don't realize how much of our physical well-being is controlled by our emotional and mental health. I had first-hand experience of the power of the mind when I was battling with chronic pain. I think the same applies to taking up a strenuous activity. What is limiting me is thoughts of what I will be unable to do. And this is conditioning that has been instilled into me by society and my parents. I need to free my mind of these and believe I will be able to perform well and become more flexible (this is a big goal for me) no matter what my age.

The difficult thing is that its not enough to just realize that the key is in the mind. Somehow it has to seep into your subconscious, or into your very fibres for it to work.

Tragedy!

2006-09-22T22:29:00.000-04:00

Since I just started this journal today, it feels a bit silly to be putting in all the expressive titles, but I did want to have all my thoughts nice and organized. Even if they actually occurred to me a few days ago.

Anyway, last Sunday, at class, I was doing some side kicks. A black belt, who is also my friend outside class, I'll call him G, asked me to kick his hand which he put in front of me, while keeping my eyes on it. I guess I'd been moving my face away quite a bit and it took a huge effort. My knee gave a bit of a wrench doing this because I had to hold my pivoting back leg harder in place that usual, and I sprained my knee. I went on with the rest of the class, but the pain set in later, and I decided to skip class on Tuesday, and let it heal. The pain has been getting better, but my knee feels all stiff and funny. I asked G if I should just go back to class and tough it out. He said yes, but to stretch. I'm not sure of specific stretches to do though. And my knee gives a twinge when I bend my knees low to practice Chon-Ji.

On Thursday class was canceled because of a football game at school, saving me from making the decision about going or not. I think I'll go on Sunday and tough it out. I went for a tiny jog today, and it was not too bad, though it hurt a bit.

I am agonizing about missing classes on the one hand and reinjury if I don't let it heal on the other.

Why I Like Taekwondo #1

2006-09-22T22:21:00.000-04:00

I think one of the reasons is the discipline. The stricter the better. And the feeling that if I put work into it, I will achieve something.

I always feel that in the rest of my life everybody is always polite and soft spoken with each other. They "suggest" you should do something, while probably meaning that they expect you to. I like it that my instructor expects total obedience, but makes it so clear. I like it when he reprimands me for my technique. When he shouts about putting more effort into my kicks or making it faster, I feel very motivated to do it. Its a very physical/emotional feeling, unlike with a lot of my thesis work where a lot of the motivation has to come from inside myself and I never have a physical or such a strong sense of emotional motivation (except dissapointment when things don't work out...ok there are very rare moments of elation too, when something actually works). The second point especially, I often feel that I have to put in a superhuman amount of effort into my research, often with no tangible achievement.

How Old is Too Old?

2006-09-22T22:15:00.000-04:00

When I was 18, I felt old because little kids in my class were already green and blue belts. This time around, since my taekwondo class is in my university, the gap isn't as large and everybody is just starting. On the other hand, everybody seems to be an undergraduate! I feel old now not only physically but also mentally. One night after class, my partner of the evening asked if I was a freshman and what major I was in. He was shocked to hear I was a final year PhD student.

Oh well...I'll have to take it as a complement that he thought I was a freshman. But some part of my mind puts it down to HIS inexperience!

How It All Started

2006-09-22T21:40:00.000-04:00

I started to learn taekwondo when I was about 18. Classes were held from 5 to 6.30 in the evening on the university campus where my father taught, and my family lived. I was going to college at that time, commuting for a couple of hours in the morning and evening by bus. I didn't have time to go home before class, so I would go straight from college. My parents didn't like this idea at all, and pretty much gave me an ultimatum: either I would make time to come home and eat lunch before going to taekwondo, or I could not go. I myself felt the strain of commuting for long hours and then going to class, and I gave up fairly soon after I started.

Taekwondo has always been at the back of my mind since then, I 'm not sure why (or maybe there are many reasons why, and I still have to clear out in my mind why I am so emotional about taekwondo). I graduated from college, and moved to the US to do graduate work, working for my PhD. The first couple of years were rough academically, and it took me a while to get used to the rhythm of things until I was satisfied with the academic part of my life. It was three years into my PhD before I signed up for taekwondo. But I was not destined at this point to start learning again.

The next two years I battled with chronic pain in my foot, back, neck and shoulders. I won't go into the miracle that I saved myelf by. It was a time during which I became completely involved with my health, and thought of not much else.

I'm almost 27 now, and I have a year left to get my degree. My health problems resolved themselves over the summer (or I resolved them), and I signed up for taekwondo during fall semester! I feel such a sense of fulfilment just having signed up after waiting so long for it.